Thursday, April 27, 2006

I have had a recurring

not so much a dream, not so much a night terror (and in fact I don't think any other word but haunting is really accurate) - experience where an electrical current runs through my body and lifts me up to the ceiling, where it pins me there long enough so that I can look down at the darkness below me; then I observe that although terrifying, I seem to be at one with something not good and pure. I say it's not a dream because I'm not fully asleep, but not fully awake. I'm fully aware of what's happening to me and aware that I'd rather get out of it but the process of bringing myself out seems like a battle between two wills, and the only thing that stops it is getting up out of bed, putting myself in some form of light, and leaving the room. Most of the time that stops it, though not every time. Sometimes hours, literally - I've checked the clock - of my sleep are hijacked by this not a dream sort of a but not really nightmare. I guess I do find it comforting, I mean after so many years.

And in this way I create.

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